Doped Up: What Not to Do
by Faith-o-saurus
Summary: Poor Robin, always getting himself into sticky situations. 'Torture Robin' Series.
1. Chapter 1

**First things first: I do not own the Teen Titans, they belong to DC comics and WB.**

**WARNING: MAJOR OOC on Robin's part. _MAJOR_. **

**Also, Robin and Starfire are not dating yet in this one, bringing the humor up farther. **

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Believe or not, superheroes (at least, certain human ones) have to go through trials in life parallel to a normal civilian. One of those trials was happening to Robin as we speak. As it were, he had to get his teeth pulled. Obviously by a doctor trusted by Bruce Wayne, but it was still a normal procedure.<p>

Currently he had just gotten out of the process and was in the T-Car with his friends, completely doped up. He was sitting in the back between Beast Boy and Starfire, Beast Boy not trusted in the front and Starfire…well, obviously she'd be back there with Robin. He had recently gotten the cotton balls taken out.

"You know what guys?" He looked around the car at everyone.

Raven sighed. "What, Robin?"

He smiled. "I like you. You guys are great." He laughed. "We totally kick villain ass. They're so afraid of us, it's not even funny."

Beast Boy and Cyborg were trying their best not to laugh. If _this_ is how their leader is going to act on drugs, they'd do it all the time. Cyborg looked through the rearview mirror. "Is that right, Rob?"

He nodded happily. "Yup, yup." He looked at Beast Boy. "Hey, Beast Boy?"

He looked to Robin, failing miserably at keeping in his laughter. "Yes, Robin?"

He glanced at him, and then at Raven. You and Raven should hook up. Yin and yang, ya know?"

Beast Boy reddened and Raven pulled up her hood.

Cyborg began to crack up. "Nice Rob, nice."

Robin rolled his eyes behind his mask. "You need to find a girl. Really, you do. Erryone else has one." He crossed his arms.

Cyborg narrowed his eyes. "Oh really? _You _have one?"

"Pshh." He waved his hand. He turned to Starfire. "Star, ya know what?"

She glanced at him. "Yes Robin?"

He smiled and leaned against her, wrapping his arms around her. "We would…we would make _beautiful_ babies. We would."

Everyone's eyes widened and Cyborg lost control of the car momentarily.

She was completely taken back. "Um…" She looked from side to side.

He nodded. "They would be absolutely beautiful. Really. I wanna girl, and then she'd be az beautiful az youuu." He smiled.

She blushed and glanced down. "I-I thank you?"

Beast Boy and Cyborg were laughing like crazy, and Cyborg set up a camera in the back, pushing a button on the front console to do so. Raven had to smile.

He nodded, but then got serious. "But I hope she doesn't have yer body, 'cause then I'll have to beat off guys with sticks, ya know? 'Cause you have a _nice_ body."

Cyborg about slammed on the breaks, while tears streamed down Beast Boy's face in amusement. Raven put her head in her hand, covering her humor-filled smile.

Starfire's eyes bugged as she leaned away from him. How was she supposed to answer that? She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again.

He grinned. "We should have babies. Right now. But hey, mebbee you're already pregnant! I mean, since last time…"

She pushed his away gently. "Robin, there is no possibility that I am with child."

He scoffed. "Whatd'ya mean? Remember that one time…" He brow furrowed, and then he chuckled. "Ohhh, that must have been a dream."

Starfire leaned back with her eyes as wide as they could get. "Oh X'hal…"

Cyborg glanced at him. "Havin' some nice dreams there, Rob?"

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah! She can get feisty."

Starfire dropped her head in her hand. "Oh X'hal. _Oh X'hal_."

He cocked his head and looked at Starfire. "What's wrong?"

Raven decided to take pity on the boy wonder and used her powers to cover his mouth. He tried to speak through, coming out muffled and undistinguishable, and then sat back with his arms crossed. He looked extremely aggravated.

Starfire simply sat there, staring ahead.

Beast Boy pouted. "Raveeeen!"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Deal." She glanced at the camera. "You…should probably get rid of that."

Cyborg smirked and shook his head. "Nope. Can you imagine the blackmail we can get with that thing?"

She regarded him, and then sighed with a shake of the head. "Whatever."

He glanced back at Starfire. "How ya doin' there, Star?"

"Oh X'hal…"

He nodded. "I see."

Beast Boy leaned against the window with a large smile on his face, glancing at Starfire. "Looks like Robin's going to have a lot of explaining to do."

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><p><strong>Remember my love for torturing Robin? Yeah, this is it. This has to take the cake, really.<strong>

**As I said, OOC. I don't think I've ever written a character so OOC (except drunk Robin; that was fun). **

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	2. Chapter 2

**By popular demand: the aftermath.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>Cyborg dragged Robin out of his room, fresh and out of his funk from the week before. He wanted to wait until all of the swelling went down before he could torture the poor boy. The only other person that knew what was going down was Beast Boy (but he was pretty sure Raven knew, too; she always knows). They made it to the common room, the rest seated on the couch, and he plopped the boy right next to Starfire. Perfect.<p>

She seemed to be scarce for the past few days, most likely afraid to run into Robin. She wasn't necessarily unnerved by it – in fact, it was nice to know his true feelings, even if he was drugged up – but she was afraid of his next reaction would be once off of the drugs. Humans are not meant to remember their 'dopey' time, but Robin was different. You never know.

He looked over to her and smiled. "Hey Star, what's up?"

She smiled back, rubbing her arm. "Cyborg had asked us all to come to the common area. Do you know the reason?"

His eyes narrowed and he shook his head. "No idea." He turned to Cyborg. "Hey Cy, why're we all here, again?"

He smiled – a devious smile – at Robin. "You'll see."

Robin sighed and slumped down, turning to Starfire. "I don't think I'm going to like this."

She turned to glance at Cyborg, who…had a tape in his hand. What could it – Oh no. "I do not believe I am, either." She muttered.

Cyborg set up the tape ready to play, and walked in front of all of them with the remote. "All right, ya'll ready for this?"

Beast Boy nodded. "C'mon, let's get on with it!"

He glared at the boy. "Hold yer horses, B." He cleared his throat. "I would like to give you all a little…insight of Robin's experience at the dentist's."

His eyebrows rose. "You taped something…this can't be good." He shook his head and sat back. It couldn't be _that_ bad.

The beginning wasn't awful, just him telling Beast Boy to hook up with Raven; that actually made him laugh. And then the comment to Cyborg. Priceless. When he saw himself hug Starfire, he gulped. He couldn't believe he was _that_ forward.

"_Star, ya know what?_"

Oh no.

"_We would…we would make __**beautiful**__ babies. We would._"

He began to choke. He glanced over at Starfire, who was ducking her head, and then to Cyborg with a glare. He was about to get up and hide in his room, when Cyborg pushed him back down. "Nu-uh. Finish." He grumbled and tried again, but Cyborg kept him in place.

"_-absolutely beautiful. Really. I wanna girl, and then she'd be az beautiful az youuu._"

He wanted to curl up and die. He groaned and hung his head, wanting to bury it in his arms but Cyborg was still holding them back. "Cyborg, turn this goddamn thing off. _Now._"

He simply shook his head and smiled. "Nope. Keep watchin'."

He refused to look anywhere near Starfire. Now he realized why Cyborg plopped him hard down next to Starfire. _Bastard_.

"-_mebbee you're already pregnant! I mean, since last time…_"

Fuck. Last time? They've never even kissed! Or, well, they weren't even a couple; at least not yet. He groaned. He doubted that 'yet' was there anymore after that. Cyborg forced his head up.

"_Robin, there is no possibility that I am with child._"

"_Whatd'ya mean? Remember that one time…_" _Pause and chuckle_. "_Ohhh, that must have been a dream."_

He couldn't believe his eyes. He gave out a sort of gurgling sound and fought Cyborg in able to get away. My God, he just admitted to having sex dream about Starfire, and he said it **to her**. "Oh my God, fuck my life." He turned the complete opposite way of Starfire, especially when he saw the expression on her face in the video. She didn't exactly look…enthralled. More shocked, really; he didn't blame her. She didn't look…angry, though. Still.

Cyborg turned off the tape and stepped back into the front of the room, smiling. "Hope you enjoyed the show, folks."

Beast Boy was cracking up, and Robin was about ready to kill them both. They seemed to know it, because they ran as soon as they saw the look on his face. He glanced at Raven, who simply shrugged and got up.

"Robin?"

Oh shit. Why him? He turned toward Starfire with a sheepish smile. "Yeah?"

She opened her mouth, and then closed it, and then opened it again. "I did not realize…you held such feelings for me."

He swallowed. "Uh, well, ya know…" Fuck. Fuckety fuck, he was so dead. "I mean, you're cool and stuff. Ya know?" Wow, smooth Robin. Real smooth.

She blushed and smiled. "I thank you." She coughed. "About the…um…dreams."

He felt his stomach drop. "Uh, yeah, I mean…shit." He sighed and looked away.

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "It is all right, Robin. It is perfectly…normal…for a teenage boy to have such dreams. I have seen in on the documentary."

His face reddened to an incredible shade of red and he hid his face with his hands, fanning them to be able to look at her. "Yeah?"

She nodded with a smile.

At least she didn't hate him. Still, though…he sighed. "Look Star, I'm really sorry about all of that. And the whole baby thing…yeah…"

She giggled. "Well…I may agree. We _would_ make beautiful babies." She winked and began to walk off.

He stared after her, his eyes wide. Maybe…does that mean she liked him, too? Not that they would have babies or anything, they're freaking seventeen years old, but doesn't that mean she holds some sort of feeling for him? Maybe? He was afraid to go and ask.

But still…

She totally just hinted there; the feelings for him, not something sexual. He mulled over it, and then smiled. Maybe he'd actually have to thank Cyborg instead.

No. He was still going to kill him.

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><p><strong>Looky there, he actually might have gotten something good out of it! See? I sometimes give him the silver lining. Yep.<strong>

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